To those who had fought in my name, and the names of my fellow heavenly beings.
Once upon a lifetime, I was a human being like yourself. I was conceived by my parents, given birth by my mother, washed, dressed, fed and taught the necessary things needed to know. Then came a day when my parents took me to a place where people gather. They would silently chant a phrase of words together at the same time. I asked my father:
“Dad, what is it that you, Mum, grandpa and all the others were saying in whispers?”
“It’s called a prayer.” says my father.
“Come, I will teach you the words to say so that we could pray together.”
And so the time comes when I am a fully-grown adult, both my parents and grandparents had died. I was yet to be married to anyone, although there was this girl at our place of worship whom I had feelings for. I was an active member of our religious group, and my devotion to the teachings, and the God of our religion had made my beliefs totally unshaken. Sometimes there were people who would utter words, saying that our ways has corrupted, and most of the time this angers me. One day, our religious group leader made a sermon, saying that we should slay those who slander our religion and ways, for our God has been angered by the very existence of these heretics.
One day, we gathered those who were pious believers of our religion, all of us were armed with swords and fire torches – ready to scour the village for these “so called” heretics. We slay the mens who were marked as heretics by the people of the village, put their houses on fire and took their women and children away.
At first I thought that my actions were true and justified, that I was pleasing the Gods that I prayed to every day. It was then I found out the girl I’ve had feelings for had fled the village together with her family to another country. That night a few armed men of our religious group had gathered a search party to hunt her and her family down, and I was part of the search party. After hours of travelling on steeds we’ve had stumbled upon them, and it is in the middle of a forest that we’ve subdued them. I took that girl by the hands and told my men that I wanted to have a word with her behind this big tree, just a few walks from where her family was subdued.
I begged of her, please come back safely to our village, and since I am a man of high influence in our religious court, I asked her to marry me so that her family could be spared of the judgement which would be applied to them after being captured; death. But she kept refusing my offer, she was telling me that she didn’t love me at all, and all these while she had thought at first that I was impressive due to my devotion towards my religion but it turned out that I was actually barbaric; slaying heretics without giving them a chance to explain, and that she realized that our religion was wrong, our God was wrong, and that she’s fleeing our village so that she could marry another person whom she previously have met and had engaged to in another country.
Controlled by my anger and disappointment, I hit her head with the hilt of my sword till she fell to the ground, tore her clothing away, tied her mouth and hands, and brutally raped her many times. As she went weak, my anger was still in control of all my senses, and no feelings of remorse could overcome me as I draw my sword and murdered her. As she draws her last breath, all of a sudden consciousness took over my mind and I felt the utmost guilt. I went back to my men and her subdued family, and ordered all of her family members to be killed as well, and told my men to report to the religious court of our village that we found them dead instead, for I fear action being taken onto me for committing such heinous crimes.
The next day, our village was attacked by the armies of the country the girl I’ve had feelings for wanted to fled to. I was instead taken alive back into their country, awaiting judgement from their courts. It seems that the day I had defiled that girl and slain her whole family, a small child had witnessed all of my actions, and that child was her youngest brother who had escaped our capture. And it seems that the person she was engaged to and promised to marry was the prince regent of that country. I was sentenced to death, a brutal death of being tortured stabbed numerously with a pike before I draw my last breath.
After a few rebirths in several lower realms, at last I’ve had accumulated enough good karma to be born in heaven. It is there that I met the being who was supposed to be the God of my religion during my human rebirth. It seems that at the time I’ve had arrive in heaven he was near the brink of death. Before he passes away he whispered to me:
“You have been my utmost loyal devotee during your human birth. I am sorry that I have made you and your men suffer such fate, and for you to endure such heartbreaking moments which lead to your own demise, and caused you to suffer much more before you reach this realm. Now my time has come, I will be birthed into the human realm once again, and follow a teaching that has just recently emerged; a Buddha has emerged in the human realm and is teaching us for once how to end our suffering.”
But due to my ignorance, I didn’t even care if I could escape suffering. All I want to do now is to pleasure my senses, become a God and have thousands to millions of beings as my devotees. I made up a story to my first follower that I have created the realms in seven days, made all kinds of law for my devotees to follow while my “prophet” makes up his own laws too in addition to mine, just as long as it doesn’t supersede my set of laws.
After a very long time I started sensing a being in the human realms who had some sort of similarity to me, except that he has became fully pure-hearted – his good karma even supersedes the ones I have accumulated. I grew fond of her, although I kept on playing with the newly made religion I have introduced to humankind. My religion by now has at least made half of the total humans in their realms quarrel, fight and slaughter each other in my name, but one day I realized that the female human who had my growing fondness is actually another reincarnation of myself; the pure-hearted side of me during my human rebirth, and she had just bear a child – and that child was the girl whom I’ve wronged during my human rebirth. Seeing how throughout their lives they love and care for each other, made me shed my first tear in my whole live as a heavenly being.
Now as I am approaching the end of my life as a heavenly being, I remembered what the person who had passed away during my rebirth had said. I will be birthed in the human realm, and I will follow the teachings of the Buddha who had taught the end of our sufferings, and put an end to the religion which I have created to cause demise in the human realm.